An Open Letter to my Son

Dear King,
I remember when I finally wrapped my head around the fact that I was expecting you. After months of denial. I didn't know, I really did not, my brain chose not to acknowledge that event and therefore my body did not either -well at first-. Then, the more I had people telling me I was glowing or that I looked different, the more I starting doubting myself. What if my body was playing me? What if my periods were only a smoke screen? Then I did what I had to do, and on your Nanna's birthday, I learnt I had been carrying a baby boy for 5 months already.

From that day, I kinda went on a quest to make up for the lost time. I bought every single little cute item I could find, I bought your now wubby and hung around the house with it months before you were born and look at you now, look at how tight you hold it in your sleep.

I am not even going to front, I've been feeling guilty ever since. Even more when I could not give birth to you the way I wanted. Even more when I brought you in this world and we were by ourselves, alone. At least, we had each other, and it is what matters. I used to feel so guilty, and angry, and sad. But now, I'm starting to get it wasn't my fault. I'm starting to get it was nobody's fault. I didn't know, but I did not decide not to know. We were alone, oh well things happen and now we are absolutely not.

People might think that I am letting every and anybody around you. Especially now, that I am not as scared as I was to show your face to the world.
But first of all, what people think about the way I raise you and stuff.. Let me not be rude but you know.. yeah!
And second of all, anyone who knows me at least a little tiny bit, knows that I go completely crazy when it comes to you, like psycho crazy! The slightest word, the slightest eye looking the wrong way, I will get in my feelings, and it is not about to change. I will never stop defending you baby, because you are the best thing I have ever done, the best thing that ever happened to me.
I was spiraling out of control, I was about to lose it all, and you came into my life and made me grounded again. And I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am.

I'm trying my best to be a good mom, you are my priority. Everything I do is to make sure you are okay and to secure your future. I'm trying my best and I apologize if sometimes I am on the edge of letting myself go. Sometimes it is just really hard on me, but the look on your face makes every single tear, every single battle more than worth it. Even thought I happen to doubt myself your smile lets me know I'm doing okay. I will never stop trying to improve myself, for you to be okay.

You are my best friend, even when your are the most annoying and weird kid on earth (just like I was to your Nanna, ahah). Your smile, your sparkly eyes, the sound of your voice.. Even the tiniest detail about you fills my heart with joy.
I love you King.





"Those dreams you have I want you to chase 'em

This bond we got, let nobody break it[...]

And that's why last night I prayed on a fallen star

That you never have a broken heart

Though the world is cold, remember who you are

And I pray that you never have a rainy day

And no matter what the people say

Even when it hurts it'll be okay

And I pray that you never have a rainy day

And no matter what the people say

In your darkest hours I'll help guide your way

This is what a mother prays..."

A mother's prayer, K. Michelle

And to all the mothers, especially the young ones, it is time to realise you are doing a good job. Stop feeling sorry for yourself when people talk mad sh*t about you already being a mom, just stop! Instead, celebrate the beautiful human being you brought to this Earth.
Your choices will not always be supported, but these choices make you the person you are. As long as you stick with them and work towards bettering yourself, you should never give a damn about what people got to say: they never walked in your shoes, they have not experienced what you have been through the way you did, so unless they are dear to your heart, their opinion should not matter.
Never let nobody tell you you can't to what you wanna do, it is only a reflexion of how they see themselves. Don't do nothing to prove nobody wrong, work your butt off to prove yourself you were even better than what you thought.